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Lovelessness is the Cause of Insecurity
Like a plant needs water
To constantly live in the eyes of others is a form of torment.
If we tell a joke and they laugh, our egos get a boost and we grow confident in our likeability, “I’m a fun person, people enjoy being around me.”
If we go to greet our coworkers and they give us the side eye — maybe because they had a bad morning at home — we suddenly question if we did something wrong, and our self-esteem spirals into a whirlwind of self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness.
Ideally, we do not want our self-worth to be tied to how others think of us, ridicule us, judge us, praise us, or admire us.
That’s why a majority of self-help psychology is centered around self-discovery: our deepest desire is to be free from the pointing, nagging, and insincere smooching of the world by becoming a fair assessor of our own strengths and weaknesses.
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Feeling deeply insecure is a sign of not having been shown enough love:
When we are insecure, we over-care about how others see us. We’re constantly walking on eggshells, observing the reaction of other people because we’ve been hurtfully conditioned in the past that love and affection are earned, not given by grace.
Acceptance of being imperfect
When someone tells us we did a bad job, it is not because we are a bad person, it is because we did something wrong (or, maybe they were just in a grumpy mood and needed to blow off steam).
The self-acceptance of being imperfect does not mean the absolute acceptance of imperfections: who we are may not be our fault, but it is our responsibility to get better. It is our ultimate show of individual sovereignty to be the best version of ourselves. Self-acceptance does not contradict the push for self-betterment.
You are a human being, not a human doing. You are who you are, not what you do; while achieving excellence is always great — building your identity on merits for the sake of praise or admiration means letting other people (instead of yourself) tell you your self-worth.
For example, if you’re the “class clown” among your friends, ask yourself:
Why do I enjoy being funny? Is it so people will find me pleasant to be around? Do I use my humor as a means of gaining popularity and friendships? Do I enjoy entertaining others because I genuinely can’t help but be funny or because I fear being seen as prudish, dumb, or boring?
Be somebody who makes everyone feel like a somebody
When you are fully comfortable with who you are, insecurities are no longer an internalized weapon. Being unconditionally loving and forgiving with yourself means allowing yourself to try new things, make mistakes, and take up space. If insecurities are just psychological reflexes of past lovelessness, why let past hurt hold you back from exploring the future?
Sometimes the cruelest or most delusional voice is the one we use on ourselves.
If we truly knew ourselves well we would be unshaken by how others see us.
If we stop living in the eyes of others, we can take back the power to be confident.
“Everything depends on how we love each other.”
— Mother Teresa
Thanks for reading Pluripotent! There’s good stuff on the way…I’ll let you know when it’s here 💌 If you have once made a pledge, I appreciate you very much :)